


It's My Dreams You Take

by PaintedNerd



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Illness, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 15:25:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6759493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaintedNerd/pseuds/PaintedNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"All lives end, all hearts are broken,"</p><p>They all knew the Anchor would kill the Inquisitor one day. It was a fate that was accepted by all around him. For the Anchor to take him in such a way was where Dorian had the problem.</p><p>A story about love, and about saying goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Time Stands Still

**Author's Note:**

> First foray into the world of Dragon Age fics and I write another Major Character Death. I'll write more happy stuff with these two I promise.
> 
> Also Lavellan, Kiddo, Bull and the rest of the Chargers will be getting their own story in the future! And it'll be a happy fic. Unlike this one.

Another headache. Maker’s breath, how many days had he been stuck in his bed. Seth ran a hand through his red hair, glancing over at the curtains. He could barely stand the light when the headaches would hit, was confined to his room like some sort of creature of the night. It was hellish to say the least. 

He ran his hand down his face, looking to the bedside table to pour himself some water. By the low light floating in from behind the curtains it was most likely around late afternoon. Damn, had he been asleep that long. At least he didn’t have the headaches whilst he was asleep, small blessings he supposed. Placing the glass back where it had been, he touched the gold ring he carried on a chain around his neck. 

Heaving himself up, he staggered on his feet for a few short seconds before regaining his balance. Maker, he felt like shit. Dragging off his sleep clothes and pulling on his casual wear, he made careful steps towards his desk, checking over the paperwork and letters there. He leaned heavily on the desk as another wave of dizziness fell over him. He really should get checked by a healer soon, something really wasn’t right. He massaged his temples before hearing the door to his private quarters slam open, causing him to wince. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt your rest, your worship,” the messenger apologized, seeing Seth glare slightly, “I was told to come and tell you that The Iron Bull and the Chargers have arrived,” 

Despite the heaviness of his head, he felt a genuine smile cross his face. He always looked forward to seeing them again when they passed through. The messenger bowed and swiftly left the room now his job was done. Seth merely waved a hand in his general direction, body still feeling leaden and not having the energy to do much more than that. He ran a hand through his red hair, brushing his fringe out of his eyes, before glancing at the desk. The sending crystal lay upon several letters from Divine Victoria, still open from the last time he spoke to the love of his life. Dorian. He should tell him about the sickness currently plaguing him, but he didn’t want to worry the other man unnecessarily. Surely it was nothing. Despite the now missing arm, which he’d since managed to replace with a prosthetic made by Dagna, he’d never been healthier in his life. Apart from the blasted headaches. Reaching for the sending crystal, he looped it over his neck before making his way slowly over to his door and down the stairs to where Bull and the others were going to be. 

**-**

He heard Bull’s commanding voice before he’d even opened the door. Whilst he felt ten times worse than he had initially felt, he felt a smile tugging up at the corners of his mouth. He heard the chastising voice of Feyndis, which was then covered up by a loud laugh coming from the horned giant. Maker he’d missed them. Pushing through the door, the voices became louder causing a vicious pounding to ripple across his entire skull. The smile he pushed onto his face as The Iron Bull noticed him was more a grimace than anything. 

He had no preconceptions that his expression had gotten past the Ben-Hassrath trained eyes, or eye he supposed, of the Qunari, but he sent a small feeling of thanks to the giant when he didn’t bring it up. Feyndis also narrowed his eyes at the change in Bull, looking between Seth and him before Bull’s voice broke through the rabble of the rest of the room.

“Ha, Seth! How’ve you been?” Bull stood, getting up to lay a hand on the man’s shoulder, concern still shining through the one eye he still possessed. Seth smiled tiredly up at him.

“Well, you know the Inquisitor’s work is never done,” Seth joked, letting his entire body drop into the chair below him. 

“Even when there’s no Inqusition?” Feyndis teased, in that slightly harsh way he had, the sort that made you wonder if he was being genuinely unkind or merely being a prick. It seemed to be a skill that only The Iron Bull had mastered, being able to tell between the two.

“Even then,” Seth had smiled at the elf across from him, too tired to give too much thought to sarcastic banter he could bat back and forth with the Dalish. It seemed he was doing a bad job of hiding how utterly dreadful he felt, so he tried to mask that by initiating conversation with a young human lad he’d never seen with Bull’s company before. 

He listened to the story of how they met ‘Kiddo’, Seth chuckled quietly to himself at the young lad desperately tried to get the Qunari to use his actual name to no avail. The boy seemed flustered to be sitting in front of The Herald of Andraste, stumbling over his words, which then lead to teasing from Feyndis. He watched the back and forth of the Chargers as Bull leaned back in his chair, gaze assessing Seth. As Seth caught the giant’s eye, Bull raised an eyebrow in question as the teasing and ribbing got louder between Kiddo and the other Chargers. Seth shook his head, before giving a smile. He leaned back on his own chair, watching and listening to the stories going between the group in front of him. He felt a sharp agonising pain shoot across his head drawing a hiss from between his teeth. He rubbed at his temples, eyes squeezed shut before he looked across the table to see numerous eyes on him. 

“Sorry, had a rough night,” he chuckled, causing conversation to flow across the table once more. 

“And then,” Feyndis teased, showing all his sharp teeth, “the fucking idiot falls right on his arse in front of the noble,” He finished, waving a hand towards Kiddo, the table bursting into laughter at the spluttering of their newest addition. Seth felt himself try to talk, to say something to add to the conversation despite the steadily worsening pain now crushing his skull. But no words would leave his mouth. It flapped like a dead fish. 

He heard Bull’s booming laugh like he was underwater, muted and yet still so loud. He saw Feyndis teasingly push Bull’s face in mock annoyance at his lecherous grin like he was looking across the arid deserts of the Hissing Wastes, like when the heat haze distorts his view and everything dances across his vision. Why… why was he suddenly feeling so numb, like his limbs were weighed down? He couldn’t move. He couldn’t hear the words that were coming from Bull’s mouth, could barely see anything past the white flashes swarming his vision. He tried to stand but felt his entire world shift sideways. 

‘I’m scared,’ was the last thing that crossed his mind. 

The cup fell from his limp hand and smashed on the floor. 


	2. Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's like coming home from a long trip. That's what love is like. It's like coming home," Piper Chapman

The moment he’d seen the red haired man rush into the room of the Chantry, staff at the ready, being trailed by a severe looking woman, a smug dwarf and a bald elf, Dorian had been intrigued by the man. That feeling had increased further as he saw the man raise his hand and close the rift right in front of him. Within hours of meeting the other man, Dorian had travelled through time with him and stopped his former mentor enslaving the world to an ancient god. The other man, Seth Trevelyan he’d found out, had welcomed him to the Inquisition with open arms after all was said and done. And whilst a fair amount of people gave him a wide berth, everyone wary of the Vint now making his place in the Inquisition, Seth never treated him any differently from any other person who served there. And whilst that lead to some animosity from others, people who thought the ‘evil Tevinter’ was bewitching their illustrious leader, Seth didn’t seem to care. He still visited Dorian whenever he wasn’t running around the keep trying to ensure the happiness and safety of everyone who came to him for help. That was just the sort of person he was; kind to a fault. Which, Dorian had supposed, were what lead the rumours to become worse.

Dorian even went so far as to ask how Seth felt about the rumours bouncing around the keep. Would he be disgusted? Would he stop spending time with Dorian, stop joking and trading quips with him? Would he stop looking at Dorian with that soft look, like there was nowhere he’d rather be than spending time with the other man? He’d kept it light as asked, harder to get hurt that way when the inevitable fallout occurred. Seth didn’t seem phased in the slightest, smiling that smile he always had on when he was with him. Seth had then shrugged and said that it didn’t matter. After their first kiss moments later, Dorian tried to start to believe that maybe it didn’t matter either. 

As time moved on, Dorian fell deeper and deeper. To say it scared him would be an understatement. Despite finding that the South was so much more accepting of relations between two men, it was something so ingrained in his consciousness that it was wrong. Was he wrong to want this? When he held Seth, feeling Seth’s lips pressed against his, he could swear he could hear his father’s voice telling him how it just wasn’t done, telling him what was expected of him. He knew Seth could tell how much of himself he was holding back. Yet, he never pushed, just simply accepted whatever he could have of Dorian. 

The first time they’d had sex, Dorian had still held back. It was great, wonderful even, but Dorian couldn’t give himself fully over to the other man despite his heart and soul telling him to just let go. He had meant what he said, that walking away after giving himself fully to Seth would be difficult, would be dangerous. He felt foolish to want more. And yet when he had said this, Seth, his beloved Seth, had simply said that he wanted to be with him. That he wanted him full stop. It wasn’t just sex after that. For the first time in his life, Dorian gave himself over utterly and completely to another person. After that point it was always making love.

Seth showed his affection for Dorian openly, had never held back in letting him know how utterly he was adored. He wrapped his arm around the other man as they’d walked or when they sat at camp laughing with people he could finally call friends. Seth would press soft kisses to his wrists, to his temples. He’d hold him through the night, keeping the Tevinter warm from the colder weather of the south.

For the first time in his life Dorian felt truly loved. 

And that feeling stayed with him. 

\- 

When Dorian had received the letter of Seth’s collapse he nearly did the same. He knew Seth worked too hard, even now the Inquisition was far smaller than it had been, but surely he was working far too much if he’d collapsed. He heard from Seth a short while after receiving the letter, his lover sounding worryingly exhausted, claiming that he was alright, that he would be seeing a healer soon. Still Dorian worried. He received more letters about Seth’s condition from his sister Ida, heard about his sudden decline in health. From the letters, it seemed Seth was getting worse rather than better. He was unable to talk to Seth through the sending crystal he’d given to him, the other man being asleep for a majority of both the day and the night. Dorian knew something was happening to his amatus, and he knew he should be by his side during this time when he was at his worst, and knew he could return to his work in Tevinter when Seth wasn’t so ill. So he returned to where Seth was. 

He rode his horse to the gates, stepping off his horse and handing it to the nearby servant who walked the horse away. Dorian saw Cullen swiftly making his way over, his faithful mabari hound trailing not far behind him.

“How is he?” were the first words blurted from Dorian’s mouth as he met Cullen part way, not able to wait for the other man to make his way to him. 

“It’s…” Cullen sighed heavily, making Dorian’s stomach drop, “He’s not good, Dorian. Today’s been a fairly good day, but that isn’t always the case. The healers aren’t entirely sure what’s wrong with him,” 

“How can they not know?” Dorian hissed, “They’re healers, it’s their job to know,” 

Cullen looked down at the mabari by his legs, scratching behind it’s ears. He looked exhausted, even more so than when he was commanding the armies of the Inquisition. Dorian felt like he was suffocating, like despite standing out under the open sky that the air was disappearing. How bad was Seth if this was what it was doing to Cullen? Cullen let out a heavy breath before looking back at Dorian. 

“They think something might be wrong with his head,” Cullen said softly, “Something going wrong with his brain maybe,”

“His brain?” Dorian breathed, feeling like something was holding by the throat, blocking his airways as he tried to process this new information. This wasn't just Seth overworking himself or some sort of simple illness. Something wrong with Seth’s brain? That was serious, right? Seth's brain, those two words circled his head blocking out anything else Cullen was saying. He jumped slightly as he felt a hand lay upon his shoulder, then looking into understanding eyes.

“I’m sorry Dorian,” Cullen murmured, “Come on, he’s in the gardens,”

\- 

Seth was sitting in the garden of the Keep, the leaves on the herbs and trees in full bloom in the Spring sunshine, laughing at something his sister was saying. The knot in Dorian’s stomach eased slightly, no longer strangling him with anxiety. He looked fine. He didn’t look that ill, maybe a bit pale, but not like Dorian was expecting. The moment Seth caught sight of him, a smile covered his face. Dorian’s heart thumped loudly in his chest. It was always this way when he even saw Seth or heard his voice. The other man had seemingly turned him into a fawning young maiden. 

“Amatus, if you wanted me to return you should have simply said. No need to go about it like this,” Dorian called as he sauntered over to the other man, drawing a laugh from Seth. That was more like it, Dorian thought. 

“Dorian!” Seth beamed, his entire face lighting up as Dorian got closer, “What are you doing here?” 

“Well,” Dorian started, relief welling up through his body as he saw Seth start to stand, Ida lending a hand to help her brother up, “A little bird told me someone wasn’t feeling to0 well,” he teased, winking at Ida, “So I- “

What he was saying was forgotten the moment Seth’s legs crumbled beneath him, knees giving out entirely as he went limp in Ida’s arms. He was moving before he could comprehend what was happening, running the rest of the way to him. 

Seeing Seth's unconscious face, Dorian's world crumbled around him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all downhill from here my friends.


	3. Going, Going, Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I am so sorry to everyone who has been waiting for an update! Life got crazy for a time, but I'm back~ Thank you all for being so patient! So without further ado, here's chapter 3!

“I’m sorry,” Seth apologised, sitting up against the headboard. His hands were wrapped around a cup of herbal tea meant to sooth the raging headaches that had now become a seemingly permanent figure in his life.

“Do try not to do it again,” Dorian drawled from his position sat on the bed next to him before pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips, “You are getting rather heavy in your old age, maybe time to stop with the late night kitchen raids hm?” In truth, Seth had never been lighter in his adult life, not that either would mention it. Dorian had felt the mass of the other mage numerous times, had felt the pressure of an arm slung across his shoulders in comradery, had felt the heft of the other man between his legs, had even felt something as abstract as the weight of the man’s love upon his very being. 

Seth let out a quick laugh before resting his head Dorian’s shoulder, gazing unseeingly at the steam wafting up from the mixture in front of him. 

“I’ve missed you,” Seth said, so quietly that Dorian’s ears almost failed to pick it up. He wrapped a hand around Seth’s wrist, stroking lightly at the thin skin there. He pressed his face into the red hair in front of him, breathing in the scent he’d missed so achingly whilst he was in Tevinter. 

“I missed you too,” Dorian confessed, his usual teasing gone for a moment, as he tilted Seth’s face to his and placed a soft lingering kiss on his lips. It never ceased to amaze him that he got to have this. He never wanted to lose it. For as long as he lived and as long as he had breath in his lungs he would fight to keep this. 

\- 

Seth fell asleep a short while later, barely keeping his eyes open so he could be with Dorian for longer. Surely the man would have to be leaving soon, he had so much he was trying to do in Tevinter. And whilst it had hurt like an arrow to the chest to see him leave, and to leave him in turn, he knew better than anyone when there was something that had to be done, you had to do it. So he’d let Dorian go and be the man he knew he could be. 

“Do stop being so foolish amatus,” Dorian chastised as Seth had drifted off on his shoulder again before snapping back to consciousness startling them both, “I’ll be staying for a while yet, so get some rest,” 

“You’re staying?” Seth asked, his voice slurred with exhaustion almost making it sound like he’d been drinking some of that swill The Iron Bull was fond of. 

“Of course amatus,” Dorian said, taking the long empty cup that Seth had seemingly forgotten about and placing it on the side table with a click, “At least until you get well again,” Seth seemed appeased to this and finally sunk his body down into the mattress, eyes already closed the moment he’d put his head down on the pillow. Dorian swept his hand through Seth’s red hair once more before leaving him to rest for a while. They could catch up more later. There was always later. 

\- 

A fair amount of time had passed since Dorian had last wandered the grounds that what was left of the Inquisition were calling home. Whilst not the force it had once been, it was by no means empty or devoid of life. The cooks were going about taking things from the store room to cook for later for supper, the soldiers that remained with the Inquisition were practicing their drills. The families of members of the Inquisition were going about their daily routines, helping servants with tasks as the children all ran and played. The birds were singing in the trees, flowers and herbs blowing in the Spring breeze, children laughing and the sun shone down on it all. So why? Why was Dorian’s world suddenly so dark and cold? 

Dorian’s feet carried him to a clearing he knew was a favourite afternoon tea spot for Ida Travelyan. Ever the noblewoman. Whilst Cullen had told him the barest of bones about what was afflicting Seth, he had a feeling Ida would know more. She had to. Someone had to know what in the Maker’s name was going on. 

“I can hear you thinking over here Dorian,” the knowing smirk she had could somehow be heard in her voice, “Do join me?” 

Dorian walked on legs that felt like a wooden doll’s he took a seat across from her, watching her go through her routine of making tea. Ida was a woman who was well known for how held together she was, a part of her noblewoman upbringing to hold it together no matter the situation. To most, she would look like she was fine, that small smile she always had pulling at the edges of her lips. 

Most wouldn’t see the lines that were pulling at her eyes. 

“So, my friend, how has Tevinter be-“ Ida started, bringing the tea cup to her mouth before; 

“Ida,” Dorian stated simply. Nothing else needed to be said, every concern written almost as in ink across the Tevinter's face. 

Her face fell, the mask slipping to show how drawn and exhausted the woman was, before that carefully cultivated facade returned as she sighed sorrowfully. Taking a sip from the cup she still held aloft before setting it back down upon the saucer with a soft clink as she looked thoughtfully at two children playing across the clearing, seeming lost in her own mind. 

“So I know Cullen told you some?” she said quietly, turning her gaze back to Dorian. 

“He said some, not much. Just the healers not knowing how to proceed and that it could be his brain,” 

“When he’s not laid in bed from the headaches everything is fine, then” she snaps her fingers, “he’s gone. It’s like he’s fallen asleep or taken a blow to the head, he’s just-“ he shoulders slumped, “he’s just not there anymore,” 

“I’ve never heard of something like this before, but I’m not a healer, surely they’ve heard of something like this-” Dorian said before the words we’re drug out from his throat, “The anchor,” he breathed out, the realisation washing over him and leaving him cold. 

“Yes,” Ida agreed her mouth a grim line and her eyes darkening, “It would appear that despite removing it, it had other long reaching effects,” 

\- 

Dorian looked at the steaming water boiling in front of him blankly, watching as the water burnt the leaves for Seth’s tea. This one it turned out was for his fatigue rather than the headaches as his prior one was. It appeared that since falling ill Seth had become a regular connoisseur of the stuff. Taking after his twin in ways other than appearance and fine taste in men. 

The anchor was always an unknown factor to everyone. Since it had appeared on Seth’s hand what feels like centuries ago, everything had been a guessing game. They’d gotten extraordinarily lucky all things considered, just making do the entire journey. Seth had confessed one night, sweat cooling on their skin as they lay entwined in the cool night air that was billowing through the windows, that he felt one day that would be how he’d meet his end. And whilst there had been close calls, the closest before he left for Tevinter when the anchor had left its trail of pain and destruction up his arm. But they’d got through that, together, like they always did. And they would again. They had to. 

He should get this to Seth, Dorian supposed, he was waiting. 

\- 

Nothing in life is permanent. The once green leaves on the trees grow brown and fall. Snow melts, and people grow older. People die. In hindsight, it was childish to think that everything would always remain the same. As Dorian dropped the drink is his hands, hearing the commotion coming from Seth’s destination, his feet carrying him faster than he could remember moving, it should have been obvious that one day things were going to change. But then again, things are always clearer in hindsight. 

Coming to a stop in the door way Dorian felt like he was in some sort of sick, twisted dream. Seth’s body was on the bed as he had seen him only a short time ago, but the man wasn’t laying asleep. No, his body locking up before thrashing wildly across the mattress. His fingers were tangled in the sheets, his knuckles turning white as he pulled the sheets off with the force of his movements. His head was flung backwards, his eyes a murky white from where they’d rolled up into his skull. He looked like he was being possessed by some sort of demon. Some healers were restraining him, some trying to stop the man from biting off his own tongue as he arched and writhed across the bedding. Dorian had seen people do this before, people in the final throws of their lives before they- No Dorian didn’t, **couldn’t** , think like that. 

Dorian was pushed from the doorway as more healers rushed into the room, barking orders that Dorian couldn’t hear past the blood whooshing in his ears. He was stuck with shock, his body not responding to any commands he gave it. Nothing registered in his brain beyond what was happening in front of his eyes. The most basic of functions and his ability to do them had fled, his body being unable to blink or even draw air into his lungs. 

This wasn’t happening. 

No, please, Maker no.


End file.
